The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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