I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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