The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize