kristin has been a bad kristin
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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