Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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