He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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