I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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