We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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