I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
