I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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