u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
