Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
