There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
