remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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