Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
