hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
