Who wears a wallet chain?!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
