Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
