bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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