She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
