the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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