i think i have two assholes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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