You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
