There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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