I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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