he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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