??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
