My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
