if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
