Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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