i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this boner is exhausting
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
