You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
