He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
