she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
