dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
should my penis look like a turkey
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize