no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
