We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
zippers are such a cool invention
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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