Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
