that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
