**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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