that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
