Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
