i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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