Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
