We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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