I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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