This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
