The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
