Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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