This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
