I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
