Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
