I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
