I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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