WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
