Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
