We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
