Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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