Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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