It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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