What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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