at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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