a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize