The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
