Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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