so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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