Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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