I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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