His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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