I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
