my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize