I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
