I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
