i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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