I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
