I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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